Matt’s Musings

Great news!  I was recently contacted by Susan Van Der Merwe, the Deputy Minister of International Relations and Cooperation for South Africa.  By turn of good fortune, she needs MY help to clear millions of dollars.  I totally love these guys.  This is the initial contact email:

Susan Van Der Merwe, Ms.
Deputy Minister of International Relations and Cooperation.

Dear Sir/Ma,

After due deliberation with my children, I decided to contact you for your
assistance in standing as a beneficiary to the sum of US$3.5M ( Three
Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) First, let me
start by introducing myself, I am Susan van der Merwe, Ms. a mother of
three children and Deputy Minister of International Relations and
Cooperation. under the President of South Africa Mr.Jacob Gedleyihlekisa
Zuma,Mr. Please view my profile.

http://www.gcis.gov.za/gcis/gcis_profile.jsp?id=3919

After the swearing in ceremony making me the Deputy Minister of
International Relations and Cooperation in 29th of April 2004, my husband
died while he was on an official trip to Trinidad and Tobago in 2004.
After his death, I discovered that he had some funds in a dollar account
which mounted to the sum of US$3.5M with a Financial Institute abroad.

This fund emanated as a result of an over-invoiced contract which he
executed with the Government of South Africa. Though I assisted him in
getting this contract but I never knew that it was over-invoiced by him. I
am afraid that the government of South Africa might start to investigate
on contracts awarded from year 2000 to date. If they discover this money
in his bank account, they will confiscate it and seize his assets here in
South Africa and this will definitely affect my political career in
government,I need your assistance in clearing this money from the
Financial Institute.As soon as the fund is cleared, you are expected to
move it immediately into another personal bank account in your country.I
will see to it that the account is not traced from South Africa. As soon
as you have confirmed the fund into your account, I will send my eldest
son with my Attorney to come to your country to discuss on business
investments.

For your assistance, I am offering you (Seven Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars Only) However, you have to assure me and also be ready to
go into agreement with me that you will not elope with my fund,If you
agree to my terms, kindly as a matter of urgency send me an email.Due to
my sensitive position in the South African Government, I would not WANT
you to call me on phone or send a fax to me. All correspondence must be by
email to my private email,If you want to speak with my Attorney, that is
fine and okay by me. His chambers will be representing my interest with
you. All correspondence must be made to my Attorney, I will also like you
to send me the following information below: To enable my Attorney call or
reach you from time to time,

1. Your full name
2. Your telephone and fax numbers
3. Your contact address AND Your Occupation

Please I do not need to remind you of the need for absolute
Confidentiality if this transaction must succeed. YOU MUST NOT CALL ME! If
you do not feel comfortable with this transaction, do not hesitate to
discontinue.

Thanks for your anticipated co-operation and my regards to your family.

Yours faithfully,
Susan van der Merwe, Ms.
Deputy Minister of International Relations and Cooperation

Awfully personal information she was asking about, for a cold call, eh?  I invented a music producer by taking the tames of well known folks and putting them together.  Then, I noticed something odd about the last name “van der Merwe”.  I have seen this recently.  Ah, yes, Wikus van der Merwe, our friend the protagonist from District 9.  This was my reply:

I am most interested in your proposal.  As we are not yet acquainted, I am hesitant to give out my phone number or contact address.   However, I am comfortable giving my full name and occupation:  I am a music producer living in the LA metro area and my full name is Kanye Eno Cowell. I look forward to hearing your further correspondance. Kindest Regards, Kanye

P.S.  Are you, perchance, related to Wikus van der Merwe?

Attention:Kanye Eno Cowell

Thanks for your mail and your willingness to assist me in securing my late husband fund. Let be state that based on your integrity of your person, I believe that you will not betray me now or in future, I want you to understand that this is not a joke, it’s real, the fund belongs to my late husband, I got your email address through the South African Chamber of Commerce and i decided to contact you. YES I related to Wikus van der Merwe

For us to perfect the claim in your favor, you are to send to me your Full, Name, Full Address, Phone and Fax number if any, specify your country code. With this information I will forward it to my lawyer for him to obtain the necessary document that will assist you in claiming this fund from the security house where it’s deposited and stand as the claimant/beneficiary of the fund on my behalf. Please I want to know your personal profile like your age and occupation.

Meanwhile, you should understand that this transaction requires secrecy, as it is stipulated / obligatory because of my position in government though, the fund was over Invoiced by my late husband who was a government contractor before his untimely death late 0002.

However, I want to assured you that this transaction is 100%hitch free and can not ignite any fire now or in the future as the document to back the claim will be obtain and subsequently send to you for your perusal.

Thanks once again as I wait your response.

Regards
Susan Van Der Merve Ms

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